Peeks at a Personal Journal

I wrote this a while back in one of my journals in a period of sorrow. And it gave me great encouragement.
It has little literary value because i wrote from an overflow of the heart.

It’s inspiring to look back and see what God has brought you through, and brings hope to the future.

And just maybe this point of view might benefit someone else. Who knows?

“All I want to know is Christ and him Crucified. To bask in his glory and the grace that extended it to me. To boast only in the cross from which all blessings flow. I want to stare deeply into the blood tattered flesh and weep bitterly from the greatest depth with in me; purge the sins that punctured his hands. I want to sit at his feet, follow his voice, carry his cross. Everyday a martyr for His truth. I want to cast off any snares and trappings of this world to pursue and seek and starve for him. No longer just a craving but and absolute starvation, utter dependence on his spirit and law. Oh, that my flesh would melt away; flame to ashes, scattered by the wind. That this wicked heart of mystery would pass through the flames and pass your judgement. Purify. For all that I am is at war. My flesh fights the spirit within me like a foreign virus. Heart and Flesh. Spirit and mind. Will and desire. My name is civil war.
God you have chosen me, elected me, anointed me, you call me as your own. You have set me apart oh God. My spirit groans for what is above from the pits of this earth. You have set before me a path of righteousness that pierces in the midst of a spiritual battle. One you have called me to fight. And yet I stand before you now waging a war within myself. Draw me close to you. That as I enter your holiness, all that is undesirable will melt away in your presents. May the will of my heart and your plan for my life be intertwined. Test me. Set my heart upon you. Control my every function. Whether I eat or drink, may all that I do be for your glory. Release the carnal desires  that ensnare me into the deepest pit of hell so I may serve you with every atom of every ounce of my being. Direct my eyes to the cross. A cross devoted  life.  For I have been crucified with Christ; its not I who lives but he who lives within me. The word made flesh. An all consuming fire caught up within my bones: I am weary of holding it in, indeed I cannot.
May I reflect your Glory, extend your grace, share your love, and live as you died.
Less of me.”

“Let all that’s to be said of me, point back to Calvary
With every breath: let me die
May all that I say and do, reflect the very heart of you
In every moment of life.
For my only boast is this:
Christ and him Crucified
And any other way would be a loss
To not follow the cross.”
-”Calvary”