Art is not a lecture. It is not a sermon. It is not to be obeyed.
Art is an expression. The rest is interpretation.

It may be a call to fight. But it doesn’t not speak to a trained ear like a trumpet sounding for battle.
Art speaks to the heart. To the unsuspecting. It plants a seed in the soil that knew not it was lacking.
Expression, interpretation, expression- the cycle grows.
Skilled artistry is not the simply ability to mold, maneuver, or make. Skilled artistry is the ability to package what is real into what is tangible.
It is not an ability I claim. But it is what I find in my life as I allow the greatest artist to be the author and perfector of my faith. It is what I strive toward.

Poema created in advance to do good works.

there in the darkness

In an abandoned house you stand,
in an abandoned room.
where the walls are stripped
floorboards creak
the taller grown trees over loom.
And there in the darkness, I’ll find you.

In it’s anger, dust still falls;
ghostly made glitter
it rolls through moonlight with grace.
The forgotten world
stays in it’s sleep,
and all that moves does not live.
Stale are the curtains
that were left there to dry.
Now tilted in shadowed sweet breeze.
And there you stand
with the pride of a man
in the ache of the gray
grey decayed space.
Your eyes held closed
as if to hear sounds,
or to feel inner chills
interlace.

Empty you are
And empty you’ll be
And empty you wait
till the end.
Head balanced just so
the shoulders do crane
to bear a shell chested man.

This little boy
who got lost in the trees
lost to chase
his own make believe
twisting in leaves,
glimpsed reality
to dizzy to land
and without a new end
found the old house
where to stand.

See where his footsteps
have marched through the forest
The woodland scepters
have been tossed a side.
Here, faster footsteps,
at the sound of them calling
When no one had called
Here’s the ‘good hole to hide.’
Distance and time
have danced over space
The glimmering world
on rotating end.
Like a jewelry box song
life keeps on turning
like a memory
you’ve swollen to large
to  enter again.

There in the darkness
you stay awake.
without a dream
or a nightmare to shake
You stand
you stand
while midnight continues
to never end.
You.
Never to move,
to stretch or to bend
lest the rotting collapse
lets the basement ascend
And swallow you whole
like a fish or the wind
or the sun in it’s fury
or the black of the night
that steals you away
by a bats sudden flight.

Hush. Still. Stand.
Wait. For the quiet
.the quiet hushed end.
In the woods
in abandoned house
in little living room
that knows no more
what it isn’t.

There is no true gunpoint
for you little solider,
though you’ve been
stolen from the fight
to stand in the line.
And though you feel
the snakes glossy slither,
his bristled bright tether.
cold on your neck
dry, frozen, wet,
There’s no noose for you.
not you, little warrior.
still you’ve learned
not to breath,
forgotten your

And there in the darkness, I’ll find you.
Over the floorboards, I’ll creep.
Without light of day, I’ll see you,
though you’re painted
in grey shades of deep.
I’ll find you,
being found for the first:
Like life long lovers,
at the end of night dance,
I’ll cling to you softly,
I’ll hold you too closely,
Each moment to soon
To move again yet.

I’ll stay as long as you let me
As long as there need be,
There in the darkness,
I’ll stay.

Soft cheek, pressed to stone chest
Waiting for life and it’s bloom.
The pink of mouth
Silently moves
in a wishfulness loom
There they will search
To shape words unsaid
That rise from the heart
Like souls from the dead

And there in the darkness, I’ll find you.
In the lost night, we will be found.
For the whispers of day,
I will seek you,
Like the sojourner
Who kissed solid ground.
The trail of salt shimmers,
The heart beats again,
While the daylight lullaby
Finds its way in.

The form of what was one,
Takes a new shape,
As the form that is two
Wait for daybreak.
And the endless life
Of death descends.
The walls of the house
Are painted by glow again,
In the amber warmth of light
Sight it makes it’s way in.
And the floorboards
Hold in their place,
Past the rubble stones
Of the old fireplace,
And through the frame
That’s lost it’s door,
And down the steps
That ascend no more,
The path slides through
A woodland embrace,
And stretch as far,
As the eye can trace.

For where there is one,
One waits for the end.
When there is more
Something begins.
Somewhere in the heart
We learn how to say:
“This world can’t be
such a terrible place.”
While the seas and skies,
Suspended in blue,
echo this promise:
“If ever there darkness
I’ll find you.”

rest.
rest.
Sea…

BT

But I’m back!

I’ve been asked several times if I had a blog, and where it could be found Flattering!
To which I replied I did not have one.
Lies!

Kay Baylor is my pen name. My real name is Brittany Taylor.
I resorted to secrecy for many reasons.
1: Because if I were to expose my true identity, I would have to expose my young and tender age. I was fearful that people would look down on me because I was young. (I’m 21 now)
2: I really wanted this blog to be a way for me to be accountable to myself and my desire to grow in Christ. It wasn’t just for entertainment purposes.

So now I’m here. I’m giving this another shot. Why not?

My name is Brittany Taylor,
Pleased to meet you.

My dad used to tell me this parable as a child:

‘Once upon a  time there was town tucked away in the hills, with a guard who stood at its gates. One day a family came to the town and asked the guard,
“We are looking for a new place to live. What are the people like in this town?”
The guard replied, “Well, first you must tell me what the people are like in the town your from.”
“Oh, they are so kind! In fact it will be hard to leave so many friends behind!”
At this the gate-keeper said: “If you are to enter this town, I’m sure you will find that the people will be equally kind.”
Later that day, a second family came to the town and asked the guard what the people were like who lived in th town.
The guard replied, “Well, first you must tell me what the people are like in the town your from.”
“Oh, they are so cruel! We couldn’t stand living there any longer!”
At this the gate-keeper said: “If you are to enter this town, I’m sure you will find that the people will be equally cruel.”
And the second family walked away in dismay.’

I remember running that story over in my mind a thousand times as a kid, recounting all the little details. It didnt sit with me well that there wasnt a happy ending.
Of course we are to create our own happy ending in response to it. We are to love others as we want to be loved. 
unfortunately I have found that it doesnt work in all circumstances. I have had a change of environments. I went from a place that I had so many uplifting and encouraging friends, to a place that I feel so out of place, so alone.
Last night I spent time with my good friends and today I have entered back into the world of stone. Where I once felt the warmth  from the joy of friendship, my heart now shivers with the icy blast of its absence.

But there is good. Because I have found what it means to have my hope in Christ.
Not a hope derived from what’s to come.
Not a hope created to ease pain.
But a hope that is in the person of Jesus Christ and nothing else.

And I’m at a place in my life that things have been going wrong for so long, and there are even more struggles that are presenting themselves in the future.

And yet I have hope, yet I have joy, yet I have peace.
A peace that surpasses all understanding.

When your faith is tested, you are provided an opportunity to be faithful.
Why would I now go take my house and build it in the sand? God has sustained me thus far… Im sure I can make it until Christmas break. =)

“…But for whatever reason, I am a full time student and a transfer, where I posses the light in a room full of dimly lit candles. And being at a ‘Christian’ school, I have the smallest platform I have ever had to share what I believe. And it feels so ridiculous to be playing make believe in bibleland when people are dying and going to hell. But the crux of it all is that God has called to be a musical theatre major at least for now (and yes I will blame Him for that.) and this has stripped me of all the dreams that I had set before me.
And I’ve been frustrated.
“Like, Really God? Musical theatre? Are you high on those clouds? How am I suppose to compare the glory of the unadulterated truth and the convicting word of the redemptive gospel summarized only in the profound simplicity of Christ and him crucified- TO- dancing on the stage in a skirt.?
I mean seriously- what the hell?
I have commited my life to, and set my joy on, telling others about you. This has been my life’s devotion, and it has literally been reduced to THEATRICS.”

And yet these are the thoughts to myself ABOUT God because I don’t have the audacity to tell Him what he already knows I’m thinking.

So I’ve had to ask myself: “How am I supposed to run the race as to receive the prize if all the things that I have prized are gone?”
Because I want to be in full time ministry, I want to see the work of my hands go into His kingdom.
And Jesus is like: “Hey? Why can’t you prize me? Why can’t I be your goal? Why do you constantly have to pursue me in the things that you do, the souls that I win, the goals that you have made to please me? Why can’t you just set your eyes on me?”
And then, while I’m wallowing in – “ugh! Jesus!- that’s just to much to ask.”
Jesus is all like: “And why do you keep saying ‘’What the hell?”
hahaha!

The honest truth is, I want to pursue Christ. Not pursue him with my life, but as my prize.
But I am afraid of myself. I am furosiously afraid and filled with trembling because of myself.
Because its easy to hide behind a role in ministry and devote yourself to a title rather than its purpose. And being in the ministry, I would dance to and from repentance of that.
But, to be in an occupation that focuses on the glory and the idolization of self. To be in an occupation where I will constantly have to check my heart and mind about the things to commit to. To be in an occupation where people will look at me and not immediately be drawn to seeing Christ in me. To be in an occupation where people will falsify the light I testify to because they don’t agree with the calling I have – terrifies me. Terrifies me to my marrow.

So that’s where I am right now. It’s a daily surrender to prize Christ. And little by little He reveals to me that being reduced to theatrics is not so bad, because when I am small He is big.
But he doesn’t reveal it all at once, that’s what makes a life a journey rather than an assembly line.”

And there are times that I feel so unwanted.
I find my delight in Him.

I speak to the one I cannot hear,
The one who has heared before listening.
I pour out my soul into the silence
Pain falls from my heart in its leap of faith.
And there is stillness.

My mind shifts.
Is he really there? Have I bought the lie?

Pain is more comforting to the human soul than stillness.
Nothingness.
By my humanity- I chase after the darkness to pick up the hurt that I tried to dispose.
I can control pain. I can hold onto to it. My mind can ring its hands over the turmoil’s of life.
I can let it fester like ivy, taking deep root in my chest as it winds through my flesh, and mind. Let it slither through each thought as the common thread; convincing me to take the bite and indulge on good and evil. The stimulating sensation of the musing over problems is easily confused with what constricts  and suffocates.
There is so much evil. My life testifies it.
My very soul chases after it. My feet lead to death.

And that’s when He catches me.

Why couldn’t I wait through the stillness?
Why couldn’t I let my pain be wrapped up and tucked away in the blood- washed away in the cleansing flow?

Why can’t I be still and know that He is God?
Why couldn’t I listen to the still quiet voice? Why do I chase after wind and fire?

He doesn’t need me, but somehow He wants me.
Somehow I don’t want Him, but I need Him.

I  need Love.

Remind me again, oh God, that you Love me.

Be my Sheppard, so that I have no desire to want more than You.
And lead me to quiet places- that reflect a quiet soul.

Like a Sheppard who breaks the legs of his sheep so that they remain in the flock. Break me so that I can remain in you.

Induce stillness.

People read the bible for 2 reasons: Information or Formation.

Reading the bible for formative reasons, results in a life that is guided and molded by the inspired word of God.
While reading it for informative reasons, results in a knowledge that puffs up rather than a love that builds up (1 Cor. 8:1).  And rather than becoming a person who grows in spirit and in truth, when you consume the word of God as common information, you recreate into a tool that is used to argue or justify selfish purposes.

There’s a right and a wrong way to do the same thing.
I’ve had many philosophical/theological conversations where the motive was to encourage the other person and thought and perspective: formation. Unfortunately, all too many times my motive instead was to argue or to put the stagnant knowledge I had accumulated on display. And that’s wrong.
But as we allow God to use the bible to form and mold us into his likeness, when we speak of His word, it will flow from us out of love.  

I’ve seen the bible be used to justify the most ridiculous things. Most recently I read an article that argued that common prostitution is not a biblical conflict and therefore okay.

My prayer is that when I read the bible, I allow the spirit to teach me the things of God, rather than studying it like a chore.

1 Corinthians 2:9-11 
However, as it is written: 
   ”No eye has seen,
      no ear has heard,
   no mind has conceived
   what God has prepared for those who love him” -but God has revealed it to us by his Spirit.
      The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the man’s spirit within him? In the same way no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God.

Amen, Brother Lawson! Did you catch that? Read it again…

Many churches today have adopted a consumer mentality. No longer is the main intent to make clear the Good news of the cross. Instead, Churches are attempting to fill their pews, and appeal to the ears of their listeners by watering down the message of Jesus Christ in order to make the “sermon” more relevant to the culture rather than the hearts of man. No longer does the sound of ruffling pages fill the sanctuary of a bible believing church, ready to explore the goodness of God’s word. Instead, members of the congregation file into their seats waiting for the show to begin. At the end of the service file out, murmuring to another that the worship was a little off, or where they want to eat lunch, carrying a false sense of satisfaction that they received their spiritual brownie points by attending what we now call the church.

 Am I going too far by saying this? Let’s take a look at what’s going on in the world… shall we?

Pastor Rob Seagers has been basing his sermons on movie blockbusters and dressing up as their characters. This summer he has performed his message by dressing up as The Hulk, Batman, The Joker, Indiana Jones, and others. To make his sermons more relevant “he sees the movie, then prays about how to extract a biblical message.” For example, Mama Mia, about a bride to be searching for her father, resulted in the sermon “Who’s Your Daddy?” –finding one’s spiritual father. (Information found at Washingtonpost.com)

The Oaks fellowship Church recently had a series entitled: “Theolggins for your Noggins.”
 Their website states: “Lessons are most often learned when our imagination is engaged. Probably no one understood this better or had a more profound effect on generations of children than Dr. Seuss. Many of the more than 40 books he wrote have incredibly deep spiritual parallels. In this series we will rediscover four classic Dr. Seuss stories and learn the practical Biblical truths found in them.” ( www.theoaksfellowship.org )

 A Bible study series has been created from the popular sitcom “The Office.” The lessons pertain to how to make the most of your career, addressing issues such as dealing with incompetent bosses or co-workers.

It breaks my heart! What about the bible? The word of God, breathed by God, written to convict and delight the hearts of man! If we teach from the world, how will we ever truly find God?
Its possible for a person to live their life in church, and eternity in hell.

“Lord, Reign in me” 

                                                                                                         

  …has startling implications.

Exodus 15:18
The LORD will reign for ever and ever.”

What is  the cry of my heart?

Though Christ had repeatedly recognized and affirmed the fathers will in His crucifixion- he  still prayed that the cup be removed from him. Though Christ new the purpose and the glory to be revealed through his death, his flesh cried out.
In that moment, Jesus Christ, by petitioning that God remove harm from him, revealed the his humanity. Yet, in displaying His desires that were juxtaposed to the will of God, Christ did not sin.

So by this we know that it is not a sin to request your desires before God, even if you know that they are beyond His will.

And sometimes God answers our cry. God told Hezekiah that he would die from His illness, and yet when he cried out to God, 15 years of life were given to him.

But sometimes God has a greater good than what our prayers can request. Everything, in the life of Christ pointed to His heavenly father. This is amazing, because Christ was inherently God, yet never aimed to bring Glory to his own name. This is because He set an example for we as Christians to live in a way that continually points back to our heavenly father. But it was clear that the desire of Christ’s heart was to bring Glory to God. And though he presented His request before God, a greater good was done.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

But God cannot give us the desires of our heart if we do not delight in Him.
Jeremiah 17:9: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?”
To rejoice in righteousness and despise sin, is to have a heart that delights in the Lord and his law.
But it’s not until we learn to delight in the Lord that our hearts will be cleansed of unrighteousness.  

And once again, the issue is in the root rather than the fruit.

Two different people can pray the same prayer, but the one whose heart delights in the lord is the one who gets it right.

As I continue to muse over this, I feel my relationship with Christ shift and develop a little more.

My prayer is that I delight myself in the Lord.

I’ve often avoided being that person. “God if you’ll just get me this… I promise that I won’t <insert area of weakness> anymore.” Because I’ve found that I am most satisfied in my relationship with Christ when I’ve willfully submitted myself under His Lordship. With the Lord as my shepherd I have not wanted, he has made me lay down in green pastures, he has led me beside still water, he continually restores my soul. When the weight of His blessing has exceeded my ability to thank him- why should I ask for more?
Because of this I have trusted in Gods sovereignty almost to a fault… and by fault I’m mean Calvinism (small joke).
But a few nights ago, I was in a worship service and I began to pray for everything that I felt lead to pray for. I prayed for my family, friends that were lost, things that were going on my life… and soon I began to pray for something I wanted. I didn’t need it. In fact, I considered it as more as a distraction and tucked the thought away. But as I prayed, my desire crept up and overflowed into my petition before God.

This was very unlike me.
I’m not one to deprive myself of the blessings of God, because my cup runneth over. Normally, the only time I pray for myself is when I’m late and I don’t want to run into traffic or cops. I know- I’m religious.

But I’ve caught myself praying for this ever since then.

And I’m caught between Psalm 37:4 and Luke 22:42.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

I’m trying to keep the blog post short- My conclusion when I return with my next post. Get ready for theology!!!

Until then- enjoy this unrelated video that I LOVE!

<3Kay