Let your will be done Oh Lord, and let your will be what I want.

I was with a group of friends on a day when the whole crew was worn out and sleep deprived. Except for one girl who was bubbling over with the grand idea of a shopping escapade. She had been hinting about it all week, but now that time was running out- she was very forthright:
“Do you want to go shopping? There is a store that I know you would love.”
What she was actually saying was “I’m going shopping, and it would be less work for me to drag you along if you just wanted to go too.”
I think that’s how we are with God.
“God, I want this… let me show you why it’s in your best interest too.”

I’ve often avoided being that person. “God if you’ll just get me this… I promise that I won’t <insert area of weakness> anymore.” Because I’ve found that I am most satisfied in my relationship with Christ when I’ve willfully submitted myself under His Lordship. With the Lord as my shepherd I have not wanted, he has made me lay down in green pastures, he has led me beside still water, he continually restores my soul. When the weight of His blessing has exceeded my ability to thank him- why should I ask for more?
Because of this I have trusted in Gods sovereignty almost to a fault… and by fault I’m mean Calvinism (small joke).
But a few nights ago, I was in a worship service and I began to pray for everything that I felt lead to pray for. I prayed for my family, friends that were lost, things that were going on my life… and soon I began to pray for something I wanted. I didn’t need it. In fact, I considered it as more as a distraction and tucked the thought away. But as I prayed, my desire crept up and overflowed into my petition before God.

This was very unlike me.
I’m not one to deprive myself of the blessings of God, because my cup runneth over. Normally, the only time I pray for myself is when I’m late and I don’t want to run into traffic or cops. I know- I’m religious.

But I’ve caught myself praying for this ever since then.

And I’m caught between Psalm 37:4 and Luke 22:42.

Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD
       and he will give you the desires of your heart.

 

Luke 22:42 “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”

 

I’m trying to keep the blog post short- My conclusion when I return with my next post. Get ready for theology!!!

Until then- enjoy this unrelated video that I LOVE!

  

<3Kay

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What kind of Christian are you?

It seems that in Christian culture there are more doctrines than denominations, and the denominations outweigh the people to fill them.
This is troubling to me.
Who is right? Who is mistaking  honest obedience with blatant sin?
“Whos cheatin who? Whos staying true? Who dont even care any more?”

My Sister is 15, and though we both have an intimate relationship with our mother, we both view her very differently.
My sister is characterized by this: She gets caught up with the petty dramas of this world, she’s often cold and not relational, she finds confidence and self worth in her peers, and she’s more concerned about whats cool than whats right, she loves to argue, detached in revealing her thoughts and feelings.
I, on the other hand: am extremely relational, my love language is tough, I seek after righteousness, get in trouble very little, i need to know that my parents are proud of me, i share my thought processes and seek guidance, ect.

I see my mother as more of a companion, while my sister sees her as more of the care giver, and disciplinary.
That is simply because we are at different stages in life. If we were both asked to  describe the same woman, we would describe her very differently. Would all the things be true? Yes
While my sister may say she is very strict. I would argue that she is lenient. Both of these are true.

So what about God? God is a God of complete sovereignty as we orchestrates the story of humanity for His glory and pleasure. God also allows us to have responsibility, to either fulfill or deny.
I fully believe that these juxtaposed ideas can coexsist. Like parallel lines that go on together, and never meet a point of conclusion- Gods power, and Gods allowance cannot satisfy one another, but are both vital to the Christian beliefs.
I believe that though many doctrines do not compliment one another in emphasis, they do depict a small aspect of Gods vast and round character.

We earth dwellers will never witness the other side of the moon as long as we live on the earth, but we cant agrue that it doesnt exsist. You may never witness an aspect of God, but you cannot argue that it doesn’t exist.
I myself feel that i have only acutely witnessed the wrath of God, if at all. But God is a God of wrath.
Those who don’t believe in God, have never excepted Gods kindness. But God is a God of great Kindness in love.

Doctrine is necessary. But not essential. The blood of Christ is essential.
So speak truth in love. Let iron sharpen iron. Allow your concept of God widen as the spirit reveals truth and Gods word confirms it. Know God.
But above everything else- trust in the redemptive work that took place on the cross, because beyond that, all doctrines fail.

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Oh the depravity of our flesh!

Oh what great sin we bear.
What great sinners we are by birth.
Inherently within our flesh dwells the ever lurking desire to follow are hearts
hearts set on evil.
Hearts desperately wicked above all else.
And even those who travel from Glory to Glory, to great hights of righteousness in the faith, and the walk of Jesus Christ
Fall to the greatest lows of sin.
They are succumbed by the guttural impulses of the flesh.
The basely ones, with out justification
To blatantly steal and to lie.
Oh who are we that we can claim God as our own?
To take something that is clean and encompass it within something that is so putrid!?
Who are we to say that we pursue after God?
When our filthy hearts are scorched at the contact of his Goodness of his grace and the conviction of his law.
Are we not blinded by the light?
Or are we so set in the way of darkness that our backs are too far turned from the truth!

Oh God! How great thou art!
How retched am I, a sinner!
May I morn over this sin as a cancerous disease that would surely bring about my destruction if it were not for your cleansing flow.
As I realize the depravity of my heart, I am overwhelmed to realize that your love fills it still, until it overflows!
Praise be to you Oh lord that nothing on earth can separate me from such a love!
Praise be to you Oh lord! It is my lips refrain!
Your praise is a companion to my lips, wedded to my heart!
For its by your grace that I’m free to praise you! And  by you love that I can call you my own!

Cleanse me of unrighteousness.
This is my hearts cry tonight.

Amen.

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Just Pew It

  “[A preacher’s message] is not to rely on theatrics. It is not to rely on technique. It is to rely on God the Holy Spirit Himself to sovereignly work within the hearts of those who sit under his message. [A preachers] duty is to bring the word of the cross to the listeners, and by the power of God and the holy spirit to come upon his listeners and to bring upon the result…[But] Exposition has given way to entertainment. Theology has been replaced theatrics. Doctrine has been yielded to drama. Profundity has been overcome by popularity. And men are more intent on filling the building than filling pulpit.”
-Steve Lawson

Amen, Brother Lawson! Did you catch that? Read it again…

            Many churches today have adopted a consumer mentality. No longer is the main intent to make clear the Good news of the cross. Instead, Churches are attempting to fill their pews and appeal to the ears of their listeners by watering down the message of Jesus Christ. They are more concerned about making the “sermon” more relevant to the culture than the hearts of man.
          No longer does the sound of ruffling pages fill the sanctuary of a bible believing church, ready to explore the goodness of God’s word. Instead, members of the congregation file into their seats waiting for the show to begin. At the end of the service file out, murmuring to another that the worship was a little off, or where they want to eat lunch, carrying a false sense of satisfaction that they received their spiritual brownie points by attending what we now call the church.

Am I going too far by saying this? Let’s take a look at what’s going on in the world… shall we?

          Pastor Rob Seagers has been basing his sermons on movie blockbusters and dressing up as their characters. This summer he has performed his message by dressing up as The Hulk, Batman, The Joker, Indiana Jones, and others. To make his sermons more relevant “he sees the movie, then prays about how to extract a biblical message.”
           For example, Mama Mia, about a bride to be searching for her father, resulted in the sermon “Who’s Your Daddy?” –finding one’s spiritual father. 
        (Information found at Washingtonpost.com.)

The Oaks fellowship Church recently had a series entitled: “Theolggins for your Noggins.” Their website states:
                    “Lessons are most often learned when our imagination is engaged. Probably no one understood this better or had a more profound effect on generations of children than Dr. Seuss. Many of the more than 40 books he wrote have incredibly deep spiritual parallels. In this series we will rediscover four classic Dr. Seuss stories and learn the practical Biblical truths found in them.”
( www.theoaksfellowship.org )

A Bible study series has been created from the popular sitcom “The Office.” The lessons pertain to how to make the most of your career, addressing issues such as dealing with incompetent bosses or co-workers.

It breaks my heart! What about the bible? What about the word of God, breathed by God, written to convict and delight the hearts of man? If we teach from the world, how will we ever truly find God?
This is how a person can live their life in church, and eternity in hell.

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The Woman with No Toes.

Sometimes, when humanity strikes me, I become lonely. Grappling at the love of God with no avail for the putrid lack of righteousness that inhabits my flesh.
I often feel full of contempt.

I was sitting in my dorm and I began to think about Love.
How we are all searching for it.
How it only comes from God.
How we often reject God, and therefore reject the love that we so desire.
But we who have been transformed by the Love of God, are called to share that love with others.
With out Love, we are nothing.

So I decided to connect myself to the source, and overflow into others.
Like a branch is to its vine, so i wanted to connect myself with the love of God, producing a fruit that others could benefit from.

So. I went to Target.
I found an old woman sitting by herself eating a bagel. I asked if I could sit with her. She seemed very pleased, and very lonely. She talked about numbers and accounting… the most boring thing in the world.
At the end of her bagel, I thanked her for her time and moved on.

I still felt like that wasn’t enough. I began to chase a woman down that worked there. I ended up in the infant shoe section, and she finally turned around and looked at me.
“Can I help you?” She thought I was crazy.
“Nope… just looking around…” At infant shoes? I felt crazy.

I picked up a few things that I needed and headed to the cash register.
DEFEAT! It seemed that my prayer for God to show me someone to love went unanswered.

Then I saw her. A woman, waiting in line with a look of disgust on her face. She grabbed her perfectly pigtailed child close to her, and smoothed her own golden hair with the ends of her manicured nails.
I got out of line and started walking towards her.
Then I walked right past her. I’m sure God loved her, but someone else was going to have to show it to her because I went after the object of her disgust.

Another woman with her hair in dreadlocks, a few rotten teeth, a “shirt” held together with string (and failing at its job), and her feet were wrapped up in scrap cloth, walked into Target looking like she had just walked out of a dust bowl.

“What are you shopping for?”
“Shoes! Ive been in Dallas ghettos, Houston ghettos.. but never in my life has someone stolen my shoes from me while I was sleeping. I thought this was suppose to be a nice town, with cowboys.”
“Well, Hey! I have a gift card, I would love to buy those shoes for you.”

She stopped and looked at me.
Her smell… caressed me sourly.
“Uh, okay” she said reluctantly.

I don’t know what most people think homeless people are like. But they usually do not want your hand outs…  but they usually still take them.

I would describe her further… but I don’t even think that a picture would do her justice. She needed more than just words of love.. she needed a shower.

It was quite fun shopping with her. It felt like a spectator sport. I’ve never had so many funny looks in my life. I guess its okay to help homeless people on the streets, but to bring them into “our” territory… well that’s something else.
IT WAS VICTORIOUS! I bought her two sports bras!!
Along with new pants, shirt, socks, and shoes.

I let her talk. She told me about her lesbian friends… (things that make you go “ugh!”) And how she was trying to raise awareness for the Native Americans, how she usually just lives on reservations.

We checked out and she left. I checked out my own things separately so i could give her the receipt.

I met her outside on a bench as she put on her new shoes. They were size 4… she had no toes! I’m serious! What happened to them??? I don’t know.
I don’t know how homelessness could steal your toes. Its beyond me.
Maybe they froze off! All of them? She still had her fingers. <sigh>
I’m so blessed.

I asked her how I could pray for her. She said to pray for the Indians. And her husband in jail that gets raped 6 times a day because he’s an Indian, who was sent to jail for murder after he was caught stealing a candy bar from a drug store.
<sigh> I am so blessed.

I talked to her more as she puffed her cigarette. She thanked me a thousand times. I told her that I couldn’t help but Love her because God had Loved me, and that I hoped she found that love more than anything else.

As I stood up to leave, I saw a boy, around 17, sitting at the next bench who was apparently listening to the conversation. He had a jaded cigarette in his hand, and what looked like a tears in his eye. I smiled at him brightly as I walked by.

As I got in my car to leave, I had the overwhelming feeling that God had not sent me to help Lili, the homeless woman, but that Boy.
Wow.

Where ever he is, I hope that Christ is there also.
God is so good.

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Her name is Kandace

One cool thing about the beginning of a new year at college. Churches give out a lot of free food.
I’ve had so many hamburgers I could vomit.

But I was at one church, and searching for the bathroom, I found a girl sitting out side under a breezeway to get out of the rain. 
I invited her in for a hamburger. She was dusty, wearing a sonic uniform and 8 months pregnant. Her pants didn’t fit her buldging stomach, and she tried, with great difficulty, to pull down her shirt to keep herself covered.  
We talked. She had a tough life growing up. She was 18 and now sleeping on the floor of a shack that she shared several other people, one being the father of her child.
She claimed Mormonism. I tried to speak truth to her, with no avail. But I was able to share the love of Christ, it was transparent by her reaction that she was touched. She really liked the hambuger too.

She had a phone, so I gave her my number. I wanted to take her shopping for some maternity clothes, because she bussed at sonic. I assume its very difficult to serve food with pants that you cant even zip up.
But when I called her, she had moved because the father of her child had beat her severely.
<sigh>
They seem to slip right through my fingers.

I still text her. She loves to text… I try to keep up, but I don’t nearly enjoy punching buttons on my phone as she does. And as far as she’s told me, shes going to a Baptist church.
I pray that God will send people to love on her. She needs it desperately.

So pray for Kandace.

“give me your eyes for just one second
Give me your eyes so I can see
Everything that Ive been missing
Give me your love for humanity.”

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His Name Is Garrett

During my schools orientation I saw a boy from my home town. I didn’t know him well, but  I knew was not a christian.
His Name is Garrett.

I started to talk to him, and I asked him if anyone had made the gospel clear to him.

He said he no one had.

I asked him if I could.

He said “lol please do”
(because this was done over facebook)

I was excited! I talked to him more, and we settled that we would get together once school started and I would share Jesus with him. Did I mention my excitement?

I was excited.
Why?
Because I felt God moving.
I love that feeling.
I knew that God had something in store
I was hoping that this thing was something that started with “Sal” and ended in “vation.”

Sunday. The day before school started, I got a phone call.
I was walking down the hall in my dorm when the words fell into my ears made me sink onto the floor.
“What?” I felt everything collapse.
This had never happened to me before, I have never been stricken with news that hit me so hard that I lost the ability to stand. I started to sob.

The news was that Garrett was in a car accident. He wasn’t expected to live to see the next day.

Hell has never been more of a reality. I felt as if I were a watchman like Ezekiel, watching someone pass through my fingers into eternity. I’ve never felt so helpless.

My mascara was a just add water kit for a black face mask. When I finally had the strength to walk back to my room, I tried to look normal. Then I realized, as I gazed in the mirror, that I looked like a demented clown.
I cried some more.

All things work together for good those who know and love the Lord.
If anything in the world is true: I love the Lord. (often not the way I should… another subject. another time)

“What was wrong?” One of my dorm members asked later. I was able to share my conviction, desire and compassion to carry out the great commission, with a hint of urgency with the current situation.

I got news that he was still hanging on for life.

The next day I met some of his buddies that were on the same end of salvation with Garrett. I was able to share with them how I had planned to witness to them, and how important it is to me that others come to salvation. But I felt the holy spirit pressing to wait on His timing before I shared the gospel with them, specifically a boy named Alex. God has a plan for his life. I’m to wait on His timing.

The next day I get a call from  the newspaper. They saw my conversation on facebook and interviewed me. I witnessed to the reporter. It was awesome

The next day the newspaper printed the article. My name was on it. I got several calls from several people from all different standpoints. I got to share what God was doing.

As for Garrett. He is a Miracle. Despite his truck landing on top of him, he is still miraculously hanging in there. I haven’t seen him, b.c they care flighted Him. Hes still sedated. I hope to see Him when he is conscious. I keep praying for another miracle. Preferably the one that started with “Sal” and ended in “Vation.”

Keep him in your prayers.

“Greater things have yet to come. Greater things are still to be done in this city!”

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I would love.

I have summer planning anxiety already.

The last 5 years Ive been in camp ministry, but I know that I need a change of scenery.

But what should I do?
I would love to go to Jerusalem..
I would love to do forigen missions
I would love to get some more school knocked out
I want to try out for Student Life Conference Drama team.

 

But I think the coolest thing would be able to travel from church to church ministering to high school groups.

I could come and be a speaker on a Wednesday night, but I wouldn’t want to stop there.
Why leave when the best things that are to be said are one one one. I’d like to stay for the week and schedule time with the kids to minister to their needs. I could stay in peoples houses like the apostle Paul.

THAT WOULD BE AWESOME! Love it… It would be to good to be true.

Any takers? Talk to your youth minister.

I’ll get back to you after I actually pray about it.

 

NOTE: READ MY LAST POST!
There are times where i cant lay claim to what I write, because I know it was Christ speaking through me. It gives me chill bumps every time I read it.
Go do it!

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A Humans Composition By A Spirits Compelling.

Life is but threshold
Death is but a door
Concealing the greatest awakening
The quench for something more.
Yet every tongue in every land,
Sounds their battle cry.
Through the tears that sting their eyes,
We say “There must be more to life!”
But the eyes companion to frustration,
Are blinded from the truth.
When the whole earth is filled with Glory,
Creation points to you.
Within our hearts is your law
Engraved is “eternity”
Before our feet is your throne
The cross that sets us free.
Yet we wander and scour the earth
For meaning, purpose, and truth
Never turning to what’s in front of us
We’ve turned our hearts from you.
“Oh my God” is no longer the gate of salvation
But a term of putrid vanity
And science has become the study
Of new age theology.
Relativism has become truth,
As it applies to the flesh of man.
Choice is what determines our life,
And what kills our fellow man.
Oh wretched sinners!
How we lost our way.
How evil are even the ones
Who dare to bare your name.
And we who have been made with Christ
Still have turned away from you
Have defiled your holy temple,
The body bought by you.
We who claim to be vessels of Christ
Carry our Christ to bed
With those who have defiled our souls
Who’s steps will lead to death.
And the mouths that join together
To sing praises to your name
Leave the building we’ve labeled “the church”
And quickly utter what’s profane.
Because life has been made a journey of taste
Lead by whimsical cravings of tongue.
Christ is only to be followed
When he gives you what you want.
Away with rules and restrictions
Give us instant gratification.
Away with what guides and protects
Our desolate souls cry for damnation.

THE GREAT I AM! THE GREAT I AM!
THE GREAT I AM! THE KING!
If you who are chosen hold your tongue
The rocks of the earth will sing.
Oh God have your way with us!
We have not chosen you!
My God have your way with those you love
We need to love you too.
The wrath that your grace has withheld
Soon will be set free
For you, Oh God, are Righteous and Just
You alone are King.
Do with us as you will
To turn our hearts back to you.
May your Glory be fulfilled
In what is your plan to do.
Tear down the idols that defile your name
Tear down what man has made.
My soul is grieved with longing
I stand lonesome and unashamed
For the world to know the Glory
The Glory in your name.
Let those who bear a witness
Gather together to call on you
Let those who truly seek your face
Be ambassadors of the truth.
May we join in numbers,
May we speak the truth
Singing a jubilant song
Sharing the joy we find in you.
Let us be persecuted in your name
For gospel sake
Let us face trials of many kinds
To bring your Glory Fame
Let the blood that was shed on the cross
Incarnadine the earth,
Come what may let us see
A revival a rebirth!

You alone are God
For you alone are God.
One day every knee will bow
For you alone, Our God.

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Love Divine, All Loves Excelling

I can’t help but have tears come to my eyes as i sing these words…Text: Charles Wesley, 1707-1788
Music: John Zundel, 1815-1882

---

1.	Love divine, all loves excelling, 
	joy of heaven, to earth come down; 
	fix in us thy humble dwelling; 
	all thy faithful mercies crown! 
	Jesus thou art all compassion, 
	pure, unbounded love thou art; 
	visit us with thy salvation; 
	enter every trembling heart. 

2.	Breathe, O breathe thy loving Spirit 
	into every troubled breast! 
	Let us all in thee inherit; 
	let us find that second rest. 
	Take away our bent to sinning; 
	Alpha and Omega be; 
	end of faith, as its beginning, 
	set our hearts at liberty. 

3.	Come, Almighty to deliver, 
	let us all thy life receive; 
	suddenly return and never, 
	nevermore thy temples leave. 
	Thee we would be always blessing, 
	serve thee as thy hosts above, 
	pray and praise thee without ceasing, 
	glory in thy perfect love. 

4.	Finish, then, thy new creation; 
	pure and spotless let us be. 
	Let us see thy great salvation 
	perfectly restored in thee; 
	changed from glory into glory, 
	till in heaven we take our place, 
	till we cast our crowns before thee, 
	lost in wonder, love, and praise.

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